I kept the bike—it’s a Trek 8700—and it was well used and very loved when I raced it at World Champs in Les Gets, France in 2004. I remember the mud, the team, and feeling very out of place, overwhelmed, nervous, and excited all at once. On race day, I finished in 26th place—I think—and I completed my last lap of the course with the sweep moto right on my tail. I could hear the podium ceremony during my lap. But being the ‘last finisher’ that day didn’t didn’t crush me. I wanted a chance to improve, and that experience started a journey that lasted 18 years.
This weekend, the Mountain Bike World Championships is taking place in Les Gets, France. I keep letting myself think of what it would have felt like to return. I imagine racing Short Track World Champs—which was a dream of mine for years. I thought I was going to be there in 2021, and then I wasn’t.
I cried a bit when I saw short track results yesterday and that Gwen Gibson won a bronze medal. My heart felt both full and broken. In all honesty, I wanted that chance to win a medal. I also felt so much pride in seeing Gwen up there. What an amazing accomplishment. I still love the sport, and I believe every woman out there deserves a moment when it all comes together.
I’m not sure where my career stands at the moment. I don’t fit in a convenient box. I’m a poor social media influencer. I’m camera shy. I don’t care much for gravel racing. I’d be happy to never fly in an airplane again. And I had a few very tough years towards the end of my career, and I’m still trying to sort through some of those experiences (with lots of professional help!)
My priorities have shifted, and I find that I love being home. I have an amazing job as the Programs Director for the Arizona Cycling Association. I have a family I love, a home, and a garage full of the best bikes. I live a slower life—John and I do morning coffee together, sometimes with our resident Desert Tortoise, Raphael. I bought an e-cargo bike and take the time to pedal Kaden to school. I get to sit and watch desert monsoons and have developed a deeper bond with my dog because I’m not away all of the time. I love these things.
I also miss my racing craft. I miss the pre-race routine, the warm-up playlist, how my muscles feel when I’m World Cup fit, the skinsuit, and that moment right before the race starts. I miss so many things I didn’t know that I’d miss. Luckily, I can still pedal and that’s what I do to stay afloat, to keep on moving.
This all feels a little odd to write, but also good. I like this ‘old school’ format of sharing. And please enjoy this ‘old school’ racing pic. Thanks for reading!
